BWCA: Day 3

On Saturday morning we weathered another little shower. The clouds released the sun, we strung up the tents, and settled down around the stove to eat pancakes. Fires were not allowed because of the smoldering forest fire between Alpine Lake and Seagull Lake. By late morning we shoved off for Big Sag. Peeps ran the first rapids, but as a novice in the canoe I opted for the driest strategy: tie nylon rope to the stern of the canoe and walk it down. The canoeing in the Boundary Waters is very intimate and very nice. Marye and I successfully ran some easy rapids, walked the canoe at the Granite Portage point, and ran the rapids at the Gneiss Lake Portage point. We lunched at Gneiss Lake Island. Peeps were tired but we had a long way to go; we weren’t even to the long straightaway leading to Big Sag, a more-exposed straightaway into the strong northwest wind we had already been struggling against. Onward. Monotonous, strenuous paddling. No enjoyment of pristine surroundings. General disenchantment with romantic ideas of simplicity and wilderness. After I navigated the canoes through Blowdown Portage, we sat motorless at the beginning of the straightaway. Eventually we made it to the rocky Horsetail Portage. We walked the canoes on a nylon leash and carried the kayak. Finally, we portaged at Saganaga Falls and paddled out onto Saganaga Lake, affectionately known as the Big Sag. We decided to call it a day and we stopped at a campsite on Conner's Island. We dined on pasta mixes, of which the Nacho Cheese got mixed reviews and caused concerns about tent gas. We sat around the flameless campfire, drained the box of red wine, and ate smores. Joe Crookston sang Fall Down As the Rain again on Grand Marais community radio. A big moon was rising in the east.

Intelligent Spaghetti

My sentiments exactly. Please read this article.

But Is There Intelligent Spaghetti Out There?
Bobby Henderson, a 25-year-old with a physics degree from Oregon State University, had a divine vision. An intelligent god, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, he said, "revealed himself to me in a dream."

"We are willing to pay any individual $250,000 if they can produce empirical evidence which proves that Jesus is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

An iPod Cellphone Said to Be Imminent
Apple + Motorola, marketed by Cingular

Destroying the National Parks
Good, parks are communist.

Recommended by Andrea:
The Vietnamization of Bush's Vacation
My excerpt: “The Leo Burnett advertising agency has been handed $350 million for a recruitment campaign that avoids any mention of Iraq.”

Historical Bush Approval Ratings
Hmmm.

Bush Approval Rating Continues to Drop
President Bush's job approval rating is now at 40%, the lowest of his administration. Bush has averaged 43% across three Gallup Polls conducted in August, marking a slow but steady decline since the beginning of the year. Bush's approval rating has dropped among independents, and has also dropped modestly among Republicans. Bush's August average rating is the lowest for any re-elected president since World War II at a similar point after their re-election, with the exception of Richard Nixon. Only 34% of Americans are satisfied with the way things are going in the United States today -- the lowest satisfaction rating since January 1996.

In other news, New Orleans and Mississippi were punished by God.

Intelligent Falling Theory

Relax, Bill Gates; It's Google's Turn as the Villain
Google is a powerful business that offers a shitload of services, such as search engines, email (gmail), maps, news aggregation, and digital photo management (Picasa). Google will foray into instant messaging, mobile phone services, online payment services, and perhaps, ultimately, an operating system for your computer. People are complaining about Google. Google has so much power. Google hurt my feelings. Google hires all the most talented computer science people by offering them huge salaries. Google is arrogant. Google has a big penis. The people complaining are business people, free market people, laissez-faire people. Most of those people are pussies.

Summer Fading, Hollywood Sees Fizzle
Hollywood relies on summer blockbusters. Less people are going to movies. Why? Movies suck. Other entertainment. DVDs. Home theater.

Study Finds 29-Week Fetuses Probably Feel No Pain and Need No Abortion Anesthesia
The finding poses a direct challenge to proposed federal and state laws that would compel doctors to tell women having abortions at 20 weeks or later that their fetuses can feel pain and to offer them anesthesia specifically for the fetus.

About 1.3 million abortions a year are performed in the United States, 1.4 percent of them at 21 weeks or later.

The federal legislation, introduced by Senator Sam Brownback, Republican of Kansas, in 2004 and again this year as the "Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act," says there is "substantial evidence" of "substantial pain to an unborn child" during abortions performed after 20 weeks. The bill includes a script doctors must read to women, offering to deliver anesthesia directly to the fetus and stating, "The Congress of the United States has determined that at this stage of development, an unborn child has the physical structures necessary to experience pain."

Must read. Funny.

Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit To Wife's Vagina

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Met Council

What's with growth management and regional planning in the Twin Cities.

The Metropolitan Council is the regional planning agency serving the Twin Cities seven-county metropolitan area and providing essential services to the region. The Council works with local communities to provide these critical services:

* operates the region's largest bus system

* collects and treats wastewater

* engages communities and the public in planning for future growth

* provides forecasts of the region's population and household growth

* provides affordable housing opportunities for low- and moderate-income individuals and families

* provides planning, acquisitions and funding for a regional system of parks and trails

* provides a framework for decisions and implementation for regional systems including aviation, transportation, parks and open space, water quality and water management.

Governance

The 17-member Metropolitan Council has 16 members who each represent a geographic district and one chair who serves at large. They are all appointed by and serve at the pleasure of the governor. The State Senate confirms Council member appointments.

Washington state has a Growth Management Act.

Policy Brief from the Washington Research Council.
Washington's Growth Management Act: Goals and Promises

Regional Growth Management in Seattle

Federal Reserve

We should all make a resolution to read once a week from the Federal Reserve Bank.

Main page: Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System

The Twelve Federal Reserve Districts: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Richmond, Atlanta, Chicago, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Kansas City, Dallas, and San Francisco.

You can find conferences that discuss such things as: Revived Bretton Woods System: A New Paradigm for Asian Development?

Featuring interesting summaries such as: Dollars and Deficits? Where Do We Go From Here? (Europe is screwed)

By the way...

I read that Minnesota's biggest trading partners are:
1. Canada
2. Ireland
3. China

Exports are burgeoning. Read the article.

From ATOL:

China's Kazakh prize: The expert opinion
PetroKazakhstan will be a good acquisition for China's CNPC: oil industry experts tell ATol it has a relatively new refinery and some top-quality fields; it produces high-quality light, sweet crude; and it's strategically located near the Chinese border. But it's not a solution to China's growing oil demand: PetroKazakhstan represents about 30% of one year's demand growth in China.

How Iran's oil bourse could kill the dollar
Oil is priced and traded in the greenback, entailing huge transaction costs for non-dollar countries that have to buy these dollars. The oil bourse that Iran plans to start next year would change all that. It would make transactions cheaper, and it could drive a nail into the dollar's coffin, because a large part of the currency's clout stems from the fact that resources are quoted in it.

BWCA: Day 2

Friday morning we rose and drove back into Grand Marais to Gene's IGA to buy a few more groceries, among them the most important camping viand: peanut butter. We also visited the World’s Greatest Donuts. I devoured old fashion glazed and chocolate glazed donuts. Next time I will have the skizzle. At our last stop in Grand Marais, we picked up our BWCA permits, which we did not receive until we watched a video and passed a test. Then we drove up the hill and followed the Gunflint Trail until the turnoff for Gunflint Lodge. We rented two canoes and offered ourselves the lodge’s hot chocolate as a lagniappe. Megan and Andrea were in one canoe, Marye and I were in another, and Tim was in his kayak. We pushed off into Gunflint Lake and paddled toward Magnetic Lake. I visited Canada for the first time. It sucked, but the U.S. side of the border was beautiful.

The first portage was short and provided a buena vista of the Granite River squeezed tightly into a fast, glassy flow before it proceeded into frothy rapids. We stopped at Blueberry Portage for lunch and shortly thereafter completed the 100 rod Pine Portage to bring us to Clove Lake. We paddled across the lake to a beachside campsite; sand courtesy of the low water levels naturally found from July until the replenishing snow melts. Tim practiced Eskimo rolls in his kayak. Andrea made sure Tim didn’t drown. I engaged myself in a game of footbag (hacky sack). Marye was the big chillin’. Megan read Cosmo. Dinner consisted of beans, rice, peppers, onions, and mushrooms in tortillas. Decadence was the theme; smores and box wine followed. We weathered a rain shower after dinner by listening to a Grundig hand-crank generator-powered radio under a tarp shelter fashioned by Tim "Koolhaas" Pavlish. At the end of the night we crushed the hopes of all bears by setting a personal record for height of a suspended food sack.

And the winner was...

That's right folks. I am #1. In a breathtaking display of raw power, unmatched natural ability, and lots of EPO, I dominated the rest of the 1st Annual Mustache Duathlon field, setting a course record at 57 minutes and some seconds.

Hopefully more people can join me next year.

1st Annual Mustache Duathlon

On Saturday August 27, duathletes sporting a mustache grown for at least one week gathered at the residence of the Big Fundamentals (pictured left) for the 1st Annual Mustache Duathlon. The race commenced at the intersection of 32nd street and 46th avenue, where competitors mounted their bicycles and cranked away across the Lake Street bridge to St. Paul's river road, south past the Ford Furlough Plant, over Highway 5, and down the hill into Crosby Park, covering a distance of about 6.25 miles. At this point competitors suffered high transition times because of the need to lock up their bicycles. The run was an exciting 3+ mile route, which began with a leg through the woods and then wrapped back around the lake. The most difficult segment of the race was the transition from running to cycling up the big hill. Then it was time to cruise, north on river road to the Ford bridge, across to the Minneapolis side, and back to the Big Fundamental's house.

BWCA Trip: Part 1

I'm going to a GIS workshop tomorrow. So here's tomorrow's post.

Last Thursday at 6pm Andrea, Tim, Marye, and I gathered at Megan’s house, point of departure for our BWCA excursion. Tim secured his kayak atop Megan’s minivan, we loaded our packs, and we were off. Tim provided fresh beats while Megan drove to Two Harbors, where we refilled with black gold and stopped at Dairy Queen. Tim took down a blizzard and a foot-long. Impressive. I drove from the birthplace of Soren Anderson to a location on the north shore about twelve miles north of Grand Marais. As we drove along the giant freshwater lake, we were graced by a particular cloud arrangement that filtered the moonlight into a single stream illuminating the water below with a conical spotlight, raising the expectation of seeing the Son of God commencing the Second Coming by walking across Lake Superior. Alas, deism won the battle again and the clouds began to clear. The moon had swelled to within a day of full. Aided by the moonlight, we hiked over the rocky shore and turned west into a small inlet where we pitched our tents on a beach of small pebbles, a most excellent bed and a most excellent source of a unique sound. The crashing waves pick up myriad pebbles and then set them down gently, creating a faint sound like the tide racking thousands of miniature billiard balls.

The Gods Must Think I'm Crazy

Pete Dillon has a blog, which he promises to update infrequently. For now, you can visit and look at pictures from his bicycle trip from Albuquerque to Greyhound, Utah.

Did God tell Pat Robertson that the U.S. should assassinate President Chavez of Venezuela? I don't think so. God told me that Pat Robertson is crazy.

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and look at what else Mr. Robertson has said to boost his credibility. What better place to start than September 11th.

Robertson agreed with Falwell that the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks were caused by "pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the ACLU and the People for the American Way."

During ABC's This Week, on April 30, 2005, Robertson was speaking about judicial activism when he said, "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that’s held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."

In 1998, Robertson warned that hurricanes and other natural disasters would sweep down on Orlando, Fla., because gay men and lesbians were flocking to Disney World on special "gay days." Robertson claims to have used the power of prayer to steer hurricanes away from his companies' Virginia Beach, Virginia headquarters. He took credit for steering the course in 1985 of Hurricane Gloria, which caused millions of dollars of destruction in many states along the east coast. He made a similar claim about another destructive storm, Hurricane Felix, in 1995.

Robertson has described feminism as a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Robertson’s net worth is between $200 million and $1 billion USD according to the 2002 book The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Greg Palast. Through his ostensibly charitable organization, Operation Blessing International, Robertson claims to have spent $1.2 million bringing aid to refugees in Rwanda. His critics, such as Palast, claim the money was actually spent to bring heavy equipment for Robertson's African Development Corporation, a diamond mining operation. He has purchased thoroughbred race horses, although he has stated on many occasions he is opposed to gambling. Robertson claims he bought the horses because he is "amazed by their athleticism".

In the late 1980s, Pat Robertson sued Congressman Pete McCloskey and Representative Andy Jacobs for libel. McCloskey, who served with Robertson in Korea, made claims that Robertson was spared combat duty when his powerful father intervened on his behalf. Jacobs repeated these statements publicly. During pre-trial depositions, another veteran who had served with Robertson, Paul Brosman, Jr., spoke of rumors during the war that Robertson had been carousing with prostitutes and hassling Korean women. Brosman stated that Robertson himself talked about his exploits with prostitutes. In the end, Robertson dropped his lawsuit claiming scheduling conflicts between court dates and his 1988 presidential campaign, and was ordered to pay part of McCloskey's court costs.

Should Pat Robertson Be Assassinated?

Televangelist Calls for Assassination of Chavez
Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested on-air that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

China Ups the Ante in Its Bid for Oil
China's biggest state-owned oil company, the China National Petroleum Corporation, announced on Monday that it would pay $4.18 billion for a Canadian oil company with shares traded in New York and substantial reserves in Kazakhstan.

Trade wars can lead to shooting wars
U.S. vs. China, currency, trade, jobs, standard of living, military

Republican Myrmidons and Co.

From Clever Peasantry
The War the South Won

Using your tax dollars, the government created an admirable piece of propaganda.

2005 Republican Freedom Calendar: Celebrating a century and a half of civil rights achievement by the Party of Lincoln

Why should you take the time to read it?
Ostensibly, you should read it if you wish to be better informed about our national heritage. Honestly, you should read it if you are a minority who holds a low opinion of the Republican Party’s recent civil rights record.

What will you learn?
It is not possible for the ethos of a political party to change over time. What does this imply? The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, Wisconsin on February 28, 1854, as a party opposed to the expansion of slavery into new territories. The first Republican Party President of the United States was the guy who freed the slaves. Therefore, the Republican Party has always been a tireless advocate of civil rights. In the 19th century, the Democrat Party consisted of racist, slave-owing southerners and conciliatory northerners. Ever since, the Democrat Party has assailed civil rights with a vengeance befitting a kung-fu movie where the father of the Democrat Party is killed by Civil Rights.

From Wikipedia

… The post-war emergence of the United States as one of two superpowers and rapid social change caused the Republican Party to divide into a conservative faction (dominant in the West and Southeast) and a liberal faction (dominant in New England) – combined with a residual base of inherited progressive Midwestern Republicanism active throughout the century. A Republican like U.S. Sen Robert Taft of Ohio represented the Midwestern wing of the party that continued to oppose New Deal reforms and continued to champion isolationism [not to be confused with free trade]. Thomas Dewey represented the Northeastern wing of the party that was closer to Democratic liberalism and internationalism. In the end, the isolationists were marginalized by those who supported a strong U.S. role in opposing the Soviet Union throughout the world, as embodied by President Eisenhower. However, this development did not represent the end of the story. The seeds of conservative dominance in the Republican party were planted in the nomination of conservative Barry Goldwater over liberal Nelson Rockefeller as the Republican candidate for the 1964 presidential election.

One element of the New Deal coalition was the "Solid South", a term describing the Southern states' reliable support for Democratic presidential candidates. Goldwater's electoral success in the South, and Nixon's successful Southern strategy four years later, represented a significant political change, as Southern white protestants began moving into the party, largely in reaction to national Democratic Party's support for the Civil Rights Movement. The remaining pockets of liberal Republicanism in the northeast began to die out as the region turned solidly Democratic. In The Emerging Republican Majority, Kevin Phillips, then a Nixon strategist, argued (based on the 1968 election results) that support from Southern whites and growth in the Sun Belt, among other factors, was driving an enduring Republican electoral realignment.

If Republican Party propaganda were a pill, it would be Rohypnal.

Only Libertarians should be allowed to talk about freedom.

Andrew Rock

Results from the 2005 IAAF World Outdoor Track and Field Championships in Helsinki

Andrew Rock, whilom DIII LaCrosse runner, finished 2nd in the 400 (44.35) to Athens Olympic gold medalist Jeremy Wariner. Mr. Rock then ran the lead leg of the USA's gold medal 4x400. I finished 3rd in the 400. View the photo finish to see my speed suit.

*

Articles I might read:

Building a Virtual Microbe, Gene by Gene by Gene
Have You Heard? Gossip Turns Out to Serve a Purpose
Wal-Mart Says Oil Prices Held Down Profits for Quarter

*

Marye and I borrowed the movie O Brother, Where Art Thou? from the library. I enjoyed it. The picture show is directed by St. Louis Park, Minnesota, natives, The Coen Brothers, who incorporated themes from The Odyssey into the movie. The soundtrack is mossome.

I must read more about:
Greek Mythology
Roman Mythology

*

Waste Yes, Want Not
Is there want of landfill space? No.
Regulations created conditions for enormous landfills to create economies of scale and new compacting technology has allowed landfills to save space by increasing density.

To Woo Students, Colleges Choose Names That Sell
Beaver College no more.

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The Male Condition
Read this. The article talks about the difference between male and female brains. It also talks about autism.

morning

A few things...

This morning two pileated woodpeckers, also known as log cocks, were hammering away at an elm tree outside our kitchen window across the street. Pileated woodpeckers are slightly smaller than crows and are notable by their red crest. One of the woodpeckers hewed a twelve-inch strip of bark off the elm. Sweet.

We have all seen the style of jeans young American women wear; low-riders accentuating yeasty love handles that bulge and hang over the sides. There is a name for what you see: muffin tops.

We are growing a Thai dragon pepper plant along the side of our garage. The plant is burgeoning like a mo-fo, pencil-tip peppers everywhere. I chopped one up - one, mind you - and sprinkled it over a plate of pasta. Very hot. Then my nose started to run a little bit. I rubbed my nose. The dragon got all up in my nose. It was sensational. I will keep some of the seeds and try to grow more plants next year.

I finished reading Order of the Phoenix and the Half-Blood Prince. I also just finished reading America (the book), produced by the folks at Comedy Central.

Dad, what's a cracker

Marye and I went to La Grolla on Selby for dinner last night. When we were walking back to our car on Marshall, I heard a couple of young (<10 years old) black kids talking.

"Anthony. Anthoneeeeee. Where's Anthony?"

"He's back there playing with the crackers."

Sure enough, Anthony was further down the sidewalk playing with the crackers.

Senator Coleman Announces Support for Terrorists

This survey question is on the Unctious One's website:

"Do you share Senator Coleman’s concerns that a new proposal to require all Minnesotans traveling to Canada to get passports, at a cost of $100 apiece, would create an unnecessary burden for northern Minnesota families and businesses, and would not substantially improve United States homeland security?"

Tendentious Analysis

Minnesota sychophantic Senator Norm Coleman opposes the Intelligence Reform and Terrorism Prevention Act of 2004. When Senator "Dastard" Coleman's opposition to terrorism prevention was aired on Al-Jazeera, what kind of message did it send to the terrorists? Senator Coleman's stance portrays Minnesotans as cowards running from the War on Terror. As a result, terrorists are heartened by our foundering resolve and porous security.

Why doesn't the dastard support terrorism prevention? A passport costs $100 and expires after 10 years. So, terrorism prevention would cost an individual $10 per year. It is despicable to consider a nominal ten dollars per year unworthy of preventing an attack on the Mall of America. Norm Coleman, you perfidious pussy, why do you hate America?

Bipartisan Profligacy

There are days in Congress when everyone is a prodigal liberal.
But really, don't we elect you to bring home the pork and slop out the largesse.

Energy Policy Act, H.R.6

Safe, Accountable, Flexible, and Efficient Transportation Equity Act of 2005, H.R.3

Chemistry

Structures and Reactivity of Non-heme Oxoiron(IV) Compounds
Eric J. Klinker

Angewandte Chemie

Anderson, Adrian B.; Ciriacks, Chanda M.; Fuller, Kathryn M.; Arriaga, Edgar A.. "Distribution of Zeptomole-Abundant Doxorubicin Metabolites in Subcellular Fractions by Capillary Electrophoresis with Laser-Induced Fluorescence Detection." Analytical Chemistry (2003), 75(1), 8-15.

Chanda M. Ciriacks and Michael T. Bowser. “Monitoring D-Serine Dynamics in the Rat Brain Using Online Microdialysis-Capillary Electrophoresis” Anal. Chem., 76, 6582-6587 (2004).

Flex

Okay, big weekend. I had the day off on Friday. I went for a run, hacked away at the Highland Park driving range, climbed around in the basement of Midwest Mountaineering, and then played tennis with Tim and Marye. After tennis, we made a stop at DQ, where I enjoyed a Dilly Bar. Later I fired up the Weber and Megan and USGS employee Eric Smith joined us for grilling. Then we went to DQ, where I enjoyed a hot fudge sundae. We progressed to Molly Quinn’s Deserted Irish Pub, which proved that there is not always whiskey in the bar. Steve and Yarrow were going to meet us inside, but they were delayed by road construction and didn’t arrive until we were walking out the door. We called it a night and went our separate ways. We watched with a smiles as Steve and Yarrow drove away ahead of us, Yarrow’s head just barely high enough to be silhouetted in the middle of the pickup truck, banjo music drifting through my head.

On Saturday, we met Megan, Holly, Steve, Yarrow, and Liz at the Birchwood Café for lunch. Afterwards, Marye and I went to the Powderhorn Park Art Fair. We walked around the lake, looking inside each vendor’s white tent, which contained either sculpture, jewelry, clothes, photography, clay, or mixed media. I bought a Coke. It was good. Actually, it was great. We also listened to a band called the Brass Minstrels. We left the art fair to pick up Marye’s Mom at the airport. We went to Champs by Ridgedale Mall to eat dinner. We were sitting on the patio when Marye pointed to the parking lot and said something like “That looks like Kevin Garnet.” It was. KG. The Big Ticket. He was tossing around a football with some other dudes in the parking lot. Things I learned about KG: He is tall. He is playful. He drives a white Land Rover with tinted windows. He wished the Wolves had drafted me instead of Rick Rickert.

Paul and I couldn’t meet for our Sunday morning run because Mary was running the 5K at the Hennepin Lakes Classic, so I decided to run the 10K, joining Yarrow, Megan, Holly, and peeps. Marye and I biked down the Midtown Greenway to Lake Calhoun, smooth. I didn’t pay to enter, so I dropped out at mile six, which suited me just fine because I was desperately sucking air. Splits: 6:02 – 5:54 – 5:50 – 5:53 – 6:01. Justin Pavlish ran a 17:18 5K. That’s right, Tim’s dad’s brother’s son who rents a room from Tim ran a 17:18 5K. Tim isn’t the fastest Pavlish in the house. In even more exciting news, Paul ran the Richfield half marathon in 1:22.38, a blazing pace of 6:16, good for 9th place. Machine.

After the races, we biked back home in time to meet my Mom, who brought us a few tomatoes, and my Grandma, who made us a lemon meringue pie. Laura joined us and we ate lunch at the Longfellow Grill.

I coasted through the remainder of Sunday by delving into Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. I actually already read a bootleg copy of the seventh and final Harry Potter book, which I procured in Nebraska. It’s called Harry Potter the Mexican Standoff. Spoiler Warning!!!!! Everybody dies.

Dallas-Fort Worth

Marye and I flew to Texas last weekend for my cousin Dacia's wedding. We arrived at DFW airport Friday night. My Mom picked us up at the airport and we rode through Irving, past Texas Stadium, which is home of the Dallas Cowboys, past a mega-church (did I just repeat myself), and arrived at our hotel, the Wyndham Anatole, juxtaposed to the Trinity River, which is basically a runoff ditch flanked on each side by an undeveloped 15 meter earthen levee that prevents flooding. This is the most luxurious hotel room I have ever stayed in. We had a king-size bed, couch, table, desk, 14th-floor view, and a phone on the poop deck – that’s right, a phone on the wall by the toilet (hello, ass-wiping service). Concierge - fancy French word for slave. Anyway, the hotel room was approximately the same size as our old apartment. The hotel featured a private art collection with an eastern Asian theme: Buddhas, elephants, pagodas, etc. The hotel complex was huge: two enormous atriums, the tower where we stayed, a beaucoup of boutiques (offering gewgaws such as $190 princess fairy Halloween costumes for your 5-year-old), extensive outdoor grounds, indoor and outdoor pools, restaurants, convention centers, and $15 overnight parking. The hotel also featured hundreds of rather corpulent, heavily veneered Mary Kay women in their 40s.

On the way to the wedding we drove by the American Airlines Center, home of the Dallas Stars and Dallas Mavericks. The wedding ceremony was at a church next to Southern Methodist University. Each bridesmaid, wearing a dull pink dress with a brown sash, carried a different white flower: lilies, snapdragons, tulips, roses, hydrangeas, calla lilies. In a survey conducted after the wedding, nobody could recall whether there were groomsmen. Anyway, 1 Corinthians 13 was read and Jesus sighed in relief, as the streak was kept intact. A clarion soprano squeezed her butt cheeks together and hit all the high notes in the Lord's Prayer. Impressive. The reception was at the Dallas Museum of Art. Art highlights: mosaic, crazy floor, posing next to statues, riding the camel (pictures please). Back to the wedding... I drank a Shiner Bock. It sucked. I switched to Tanqueray and tonic. Then I ate myself into somnolence, only to be roused by some fresh beats, my shoulder wouldn’t stop twitching.

A little about Dallas...

Air conditioning is used to produce extreme contrast.
Hotel - 70 degrees, Ambient - 98 degrees, Church - 64 degrees, Body – flummoxed.

Dallas is the second-largest city in Texas, eighth largest in the United States. The DFW Metroplex is the fifth largest metro area in the U.S. and one of the fifty largest metro areas in the world.

Minneapolis is almost 2.5 times as dense as Dallas.
US cities over 400,000 ranks by population density in 1990

Major/Notable Companies Based in the Dallas Area:
7-Eleven
American Airlines
Blockbuster
BNSF
Dr. Pepper
Electronic Data Systems (established by Ross Perot)
Exxon Mobil
Frito Lay
Greyhound
JC Penney
Kinko's
Mary Kay Cosmetics
Neiman Marcus
Pier 1
Pizza Hut
Radioshack
Southwest Airlines
Texas Instruments

Dallas, Texas - home base of Anywhere, USA.

Mary Kay, enriching Women's lives (TM), founded in 1963, number one best-selling brand of skin care and color cosmetics in the U.S.

Faith first.
Family second.
Career third ;)
Revenue fourth? 2004 revenue: $1.8 billion

Are you old and wizened?
Do you have derelict eyes, lips, cheeks, and nails?
We have the anti-aging answer: cleansers, moisturizers, foundation, concealers, powders.

Does fast food have you smelling like beef tallow?
We have fragrance.

By the way…

Twin Cities-Based Companies:
Target
U.S. Bancorp
Marshall Field's
Xcel Energy
Piper Jaffray
3M
Ecolab
St. Paul Travelers
Lawson Software
Land O'Lakes
Aveda
Northwest Airlines
Supervalu
Dairy Queen
Medtronic
General Mills
UnitedHealth Group
Imation
Best Buy

Cargill