Cyclist Tests Positive for Bear Claw

My parents visited me last weekend. We walked to Izzy's on Friday night after a pasta dinner. I ate a Mini B, a miniature banana split. My Mini B had chocolate, sour grapefruit, and maple butter nut scoops; chocolate, caramel, and raspberry sauce; whip cream, crushed M&Ms, and two miniature bananas. It was disgusting. On Saturday we drove down to Wabasha to visit my Grandma. On Sunday we helped Laura prepare for the opening of her flower/plants/landscaping business in Wayzata by painting the inside.

In other news, I set a new land speed record on the way home from work yesterday.
5.74 miles
17 minutes 27 seconds
19.7 mph

How did I do it? Simple. I ate a bear claw earlier in the day.

After the bike ride home, I ran along the river, crossed the Franklin bridge, ran up to the witch's hat in Prospect Park, and then cruised back home. I'm training for the 1st Annual Mustache Duathlon, which will be held sometime this summer. Competitors will grow a mustache starting at least one week before the event. The race will commence at my house, from which point we will bike to Crosby, run through the woods and around the lake, and return to my house. Upon completion of the duathlon, participants will have there picture taken and relax in the backyard while drinking Premium.

Words worth investigating the etymology:

Jingoism

we don't want to fight, yet by jingo if we do
we've got the ships, we've got the men
we've got the money too!

Jingo is a euphemism for Jesus. Funny.

Fusty - this wine tastes like cask.

Desultory - a desultor was a circus performer who jumped from horse to horse.

Brummagem - goods produced in the English city of Birmingham were often counterfeit and tawdry.

Billingsgate - a fish market in England notorious for the vulgar language in the air.

Rathskeller - council cellar: a tavern in the basement of a town hall.

Capricious - hedgehog head. Really.